ScreenFish

where faith and film are intertwined

sexuality

Yes, God, Yes: Sex Goes to Church

by Leave a Comment

Within the first 15 minutes of Yes, God, Yes, I wanted to shut down the computer. I was so angry I could have punched something. I was overwhelmed by a myriad of emotions flooding my senses quickly.

Don’t worry. I’m going to explain why in a moment. 

Originally a short film in 2017, this full-length version follows teenager Alice (played by Natalia Dyer of Stranger Things) as she discovers her sexuality through the internet and masturbation in the setting of Catholic school circa early 2000’s (side note – the AOL dial-in sound brings back a flood of nostalgia). Simultaneously, there is a vicious rumor circulating about a sexual incident between her and a fellow student that conflates her perception of herself and private actions. She is innocent of the rumor but because it coincides with her growing awakening, her guilt deepens. Teachers and fellow students encourage her to attend a “life-changing” church camp (based on their belief in the truth of the rumor), where she is promised purity and forgiveness. Throughout her four days at camp, she learns what was unsurprising to me – that things aren’t always as they seem. Role model counselor Nina (played by Alisha Boe) is sneaking off with a fellow youth for the very actions being condemned, more than one student is using the office computer for cyber sex and pornography, and even Father Murphy (Timothy Simons) is harboring his own “damning” secrets.

Now to my intro, why was I so bothered from the onset of this movie? No, it wasn’t the masturbation. And no, it wasn’t the topic of teenagers actively engaging in their sexuality. It was how, in my opinion, the church as a whole struggles to discuss sexuality in a way that fosters any other emotion other than fear and guilt – especially for young women – and, from the beginning, this film was addressing that for me. It made me sick and angry because it was accurate from the onset. 

It is absolutely no secret at all that humans are sexual beings – how else would our species continue? Even with the advancements of modern medicine, sex is still the primary means through which we procreate. And that’s the premise Alice is given for sex – marriage and children. Any type of sexual of behavior that is A: outside of marriage and B: can’t result in children is a mortal sin that will be met with eternal damnation.

But I mean, really? To say that is the only reason sex is good is to completely dismiss the sensory experience of sex. Why would it be associated with the term “ecstasy” if it was only for procreation? Why would teenagers and adults alike be so preoccupied with experiencing that sensation if it served no other purpose? And if we really believed it was meant to be that restrictive, why would we condemn it and explain it to children and teenagers in a way that scares them as opposed to a way that informs them?

The human body is incredible. It’s miraculous. So, to vilify a feeling inherent to our very species makes me question what it is we actually believe about sex. Now I can go into a theological and historical timeline that pinpoints when some Christian traditions began to associate sex with original sin (spoiler alert – it wasn’t/isn’t), but there are entire college and seminary classes on the subject, so I’ll skip that part. And I’m not going to promote complete sexual abandonment and encourage teenagers to go out and explore their every urge. But what I AM going to promote is open, honest conversation. Our kids are going to get the information somewhere. And no matter how many youth retreats they attend or chastity rings they wear, they are going to hear more than what the church tells them. And if this movie offers any insight, it’s that they’re more than likely doing more as well.

If we want our kids growing up in ways that teach them to respect their bodies and those of others, then we need to do a better job of introducing them to those very bodies. Vilification and fear are not helpful tactics. As Alice discovered more of herself, she also discovered the truth that guilt can pull us into a false belief that we are totally alone in our experiences and struggles. Using guilt to dissuade teenagers from having sex is to trap ourselves in a belief that our bodies are something to be afraid of as opposed to celebrated with healthy and honoring expressions of our sexuality. 

I didn’t agree with every element of this film but I completely appreciated what it was going for. It’s an accurate portrayal of the internal anguish so many Christian youth experience in isolation and fear, and it has reminded me once again that the topic of sex shouldn’t be clouded in condemnation. Our youth deserve better.

Our bodies deserve better. 

Yes, God, Yes is available on PVOD now.

Cuties – Growing Up Fast

by 1 Comment

Yes, Maïmouna Doucouré’s Cuties (Mignonnes) has created a great deal of controversy. I wouldn’t categorize that controversy as a tempest in a teapot, because the film does revolve around the sexualization of young women, but in a reflective and critical manner, not in an exploitive or abusive manner. In fact, the film suggests an outrage about this just as strong as the Twitterverse’s demands of boycott. The film, however, addresses the issue by asking us to empathize with the young characters, rather than turning away and ignoring what is happening.

Amy (Fathia Youssouf) is a Somalian immigrant living with her mother and two brothers in a poor section of Paris. They are observant Muslims, going to the women’s service at the mosque, hearing how evil it is for women to bare their bodies. Her father has returned to Somalia with plans to bring home a second wife. The planning for the wedding falls to Amy’s mother and the family matriarch. Amy is expected to participate, even though she feels abandoned and rejected.

 New in her middle school, she is attracted to a group of girls (Médina El Aidi-Azouni, Esther Gohourou, Ilanah Cami-Goursolas, and Myriam Hamma) who want to win a hip-hop dance contest. Amy begins to work her way into the group, and eventually begins dancing with them. Yes, the dances are mildly suggestive, but as Amy and the others begin to see other more risqué dancing videos online, Amy instigates making their dances even more so. When they begin posting their videos on social media, the affirmations are intoxicating. Here, Amy finds the kind of attention she misses at home.

Cuties is a painful coming-of-age story. At home, Amy has learned that in her world women are disposable. Even though she and her mother will still be in the home with her father and new wife, it is obvious that they are not enough. They are being relegated to second-class status. The worlds of the mosque, home, and society are acutely at odds.

A large part of that conflict involves the meaning of being a woman. At home Amy gets two lessons on womanhood. The first is when she has her first period, she is told she’s now a woman. The other lesson is when the matriarch tells her that the way to become a woman is to prepare the food for her father’s upcoming wedding. But society has many ways of teaching that women are sexualized, and the way to get approval and love is through that route. It is a lesson that young girls see often.

There are parts of this film that are hard to watch. The increasingly sexualized dancing is the film’s way of rubbing our noses in a culture that may not officially promote that behavior in children, but certainly is willing to tolerate it, possible even think it’s cute that they want to be so grown up. When Amy gets approval and affirmation along the way, she wants more. Eventually she will push too far.

It is also hard to watch the way Amy must deal with a life at home that will never be fulfilling. The place of women in her ethnic world is belittling. We don’t want that world for her any more than we do the sexualized world she is entering.

The film is about a world in which children (especially girls) are encouraged in many ways to grow up to fast. What “to grow up” means varies within cultures and societies. But adolescence is always a challenge for these children who face challenges of identity and belonging. Can we really expect eleven year olds to make the proper choices when faced with so many voices and images? The film serves as a strong reminder that left to their own choices, calamity is near at hand.

Finally, I want to address the widespread denunciation of the film by those who haven’t seen it. It’s my understanding that what created the controversy was an ill-advised publicity poster used by Netflix (which Netflix later apologized for and admitted was inappropriate). Certainly that poster gave an impression of the film that would suggest it would be offensive. But often posters (or even trailers) do not capture the reality of a film. The way the condemnation of the film went viral suggests that we live in a world in which people don’t want to make their own decision, but will just pass on what people who yell the loudest have to say. Cuties is actually a very clear indictment of a society that sexualizes children. That is the voice that needs to be heard.

Photo courtesy of Netflix.