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dementia

You Will Remember Me – Societal Dementia

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“We are witnessing the disintegration of the world!”

The motto of Québec is “Je me souviens” (“I remember”). It’s on their license plates, so that idea is always present for Québecois. That is not stated in Éric Tessier’s film You Will Remember Me, but it is certainly a central aspect of the story. While it is built around the dementia of the central character, it is much more about the wider world and our own inability to remember, even in the short term.

Édouard (the wonderful Rémy Girard) is a famous historian who is quickly becoming more and more affected by dementia. He has become too much for his wife to deal with. When she dumps him off with his daughter, who has to leave on an assignment, he is cared for by her boyfriend. But when he has to go to a meeting, he calls on his own daughter, Bérénice (Karelle Tremblay). Bérénice is young and drifting. However, she and Édouard form a strange bond even though he really can’t remember who she is. Eventually, he mentally connects Bérénice with another daughter, Nathalie, who is no longer around. Although they are so different, Édouard and Bérénice are able to provide what each needs in their lives.

The fact that Édouard was a historian is obviously important. He has spent his life with memories. He views the past as important. But now that past is slipping away from him. He doesn’t form new memories, so he only has the past.  Early in their relationship, Bérénice talks about history being unimportant. (“That craps over. There’s more to life than that.”) But later, Édouard shares with her an important event in Québec history (that coincides with Nathalie’s conception). It is a vibrant memory that he brings to life for her. (And it is a reminder of “Je me souviens”.)

While the struggles of a person with dementia are serious, this film blends in just the right amount of humor to make the story enjoyable. But it is not just a story of a person’s fading memories and of a young woman finding a new way of seeing her life. It is a reflection of who we are as a society. Édouard often rants about the Facebook/Twitter/YouTube world. At first it seems like the typical complaint of an aging Luddite. But we begin to see that there is something more existential to his views.

Later in the film he delivers an amazing monologue (ironically, that he streams using Bérénice’s phone). In that speech, Édouard shows a parallel between his disease, which is eating away at his memory and who he is, and the world that is so filled with information that each new thing pushes out what came before it. Just as he can’t remember what happened five minutes ago, so too do we not form memories. We can’t decide what is real or important. Instead, he says “You are prisoners of the eternal present.” (This monologue could well be my favorite movie scene of the year.)

The film challenges us to think about not so much the onslaught of information that can overwhelm us, but how we will remember the important things in life—love, community, values, freedom. Most importantly, we need to remember who we are. Without that memory all is lost. I have a new appreciation for the depth of Québec’s motto.

You Will Remember Me is available on Virtual Cinema.

Photos courtesy of Corinth Films.

June Again: Rebuilding All Over Again

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This winter, you’re allowed to start believing in June Again.

Set in Australia, June Again tells the story of June Wilton, an elderly woman who has been suffering from dementia for the past five years. Although she has been lost within herself over that time, an astonishing bout of lucidity suddenly awakens her as if no time has passed. As she returns home, June is angered to discover that much has changed within her family. Immediately, June sets to work on fixing the lives of her children and the family business. However, the experience will also awaken a past romance which June had long kept from her family as well.

Written and directed by JJ Winlove, June Again is a heartwarming surprise for the cold month of January. Mixing multiple styles and story threads, Winlove manages to create something that feels new. Although the film’s tone shifts drastically throughout, June somehow comes together in a way that charms the viewer by its end. This is a film that wants us to mourn June’s condition, be frustrated by her and fall in love with her at the same time and yet, the script still works.

Of course, much of the credit to the film’s success belongs to some strong work by Noni Hazlehurst as the grumpy but lovable June. With fire and fury, Hazlehurst demonstrates the stranglehold that June upon her family as its matriarch. However, there is also an innocence about her character that makes us empathize with her. As Winlove’s script moves from family trauma into revisiting past, Hazlehurst owns every scene with authority. Even so, her best work may come in her quieter moments when she’s struggling to hold on to her lucidity. With a single glance, Hazlehurst demonstrates the complex inner struggle that Jane is experiencing as her worlds begin to blur together. 

Though she says nothing, she communicates much.

Somewhat impressively, Winslow never loses sight of the emotional strain that takes place on the family when one of their loved ones is struggling with dementia. As June arrives home again and attempts to put her life into context, the mixture of emotions that felt by her family are palpable. On the one hand, there is great joy and relief to see their sick mother stepping back into her life. In addition though, all of the tensions that once existed between them also come flooding back as well. For example, siblings Ginny and Kyle both have moments where they’re relieved to see her well but also frustrated by her overbearing and interfering nature. 

They have a deep love for their mother but there is also years of hurt to process as well.

In this way, Winlove’s film explores the complex relationship between the past and present. In this family, everyone is attempting to deal with history. On the one hand, June’s children are attempting to navigate their own interpersonal struggles. From a traumatic car accident to the pain of financial losses, their family has been torn apart over the last few years. As June re-emerges, her attempt to control the lives causes further friction by reminding them all just how far their family has fallen. On the other hand, June has also experienced a deep personal loss in the form of her past lover. Having been involved in a whirlwind romance that changed her life many years ago, June also feels trapped by her past, albeit in a different manner. Her lost love remains a gap in her soul and she yearns to see him one more time. 

As these two stories converge though, Winslow uses them to provide hope and healing to his characters. By forcing them together, Winlove allows June, Ginny and Devon to begin to see past their pain and offer the support to each another. Despite their history, there is a grace that manages to break through that highlights their importance and brings some much-needed healing to their family.

With a strange mix of sadness and fun, June Again is an unexpected joy. Backed by a perfect performance by Hazlehurst, Winlove manages to craft a story that blends humour and heart, without ever negating the impact of dementia on the family. Though the film may fly under the radar of most, look for it. There is a warmth to this June that is infectious to even the coldest of hearts.

June Again is available on demand on Friday, January 7th, 2021.

Sanremo – Filling Emptiness

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“Each day is a new day. We get up each morning and start again.”

That is especially true for the characters in Sanremo from director Miroslav Mandić. As dementia removes memories, it can make each day a horror, a challenge, or a wonder. Sanremo is Slovenia’s entry for Best International Film Oscar consideration.

Bruno and Duša live in the same senior home. At times they connect for breakfast, on in the arts room, or doing exercises. They enjoy each other, but each time it is as if they are meeting for the first time.

Bruno is a wanderer. When alone his mind goes back to his home, his wife, and his dog. He often escapes the facility and goes off to feed his long-gone dog. Duša is a bit more in a fog. She goes along with whatever activities are available. Bur she revels in the lawn sprinklers, standing in them looking up in wonder. Later, she does the same in a snowfall.

There is a poignancy to this story. It’s not quite a romance, but these two people with empty lives manage to find each other and enjoy one another, but cannot create an ongoing relationship. Yet, we sense that when they are apart, they feel the absence of the other, even if they don’t know what it is they miss.

There is great loss for these characters, to be sure. But as we watch Duša, we sense that there is a blessing in being able to be astonished by such simple things as water and snow. The world around us can indeed be hard and challenging. But sometimes, amidst those trials, we may be able to find something that will kindle wonder within our souls.

Sanremo is available on Film Movement Plus.

Photos courtesy of Film Movement.

The Father: The Pain of Slipping Away

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In The Father, Sir Anthony Hopkins plays Anthony, an elderly but wealthy man who cannot admit that he can no longer care for himself. When his daughter Anne (Olivia Colman) informs him that she intends on moving to Paris, she attempts to bring in a home care nurse, Laura (Imogen Poots). As his condition deteriorates, Anthony struggles to adjust to the changes with moods swings that range from charming to insulting and Anne is forced to consider that her father may be better off in a long-term care facility instead of his beloved London flat.

The debut film from director by Florian Zeller, The Father is an emotional journey into the heart of dementia and the how it affects those on the outside. Adapted from Zeller’s own 2012 play of the same name, the film feels as claustrophobic as a theatrical stage itself. Told almost entirely within one location, Zeller makes good use of his space, adjusting set designs and lighting based on Anthony’s mental awareness. By rotating cast members and characters, Zeller blurs the lines of reality and creates a cloud of confusion around Anthony that points to the anxiety that he’s experiencing himself.

Though the film features an incredible performance by Olivia Coleman as the caring but torn Anne, the film is truly anchored by Sir Anthony Hopkins, who may have turned in one of the best performances of his career. As the centre of almost every scene, Hopkins is simply remarkable as the fading elder, imbuing his character with both vibrancy and terror. Wildly fluctuating between childhood innocence, flirtatious humour and impulsive fury, Hopkins showcases the pain that he brings to those around him yet he never loses the soul of his character in the midst of his struggles.

In The Father, Anthony is a man who is constantly loved yet causes chaos within the home. Painfully watching as her father slowly slips away, Anne is willing to do whatever it takes to support him. However, despite her best efforts, the increasing speed of his dementia slowly eats away at her. Though she defends his behaviour as simply ‘his way’, every moment that he forgets her name or viciously lashes out drives a wedge into their relationship. She badly wants to continue to show him grace yet, as the situation denigrates, her soul begins to shred apart. As such, she becomes conflicted between caring for the man she has loved her entire life and the inner destruction he is causing within her life.

However, while we bear witness to the fact that those around him struggle with his health, we also feel torn for Anthony as he continues to misread situations and react accordingly with fear, humour and rage. Told almost entirely from Anthony’s point of view, the film’s rhythm can be jarring at times yet that is absolutely intentional. Like the watch that he can never seem to locate, Anthony is quickly losing all sense of time (and may even feel as though it’s being stolen from him). For him, multiple points of his life appear to be converging at once in a way that never truly allows him to settle into one particular moment. As Anthony’s connection to the world ebs and flows with his mental state, we too are meant to feel his sense of loss and confusion. In doing so, though he never excuses Anthony’s behaviour, the film gives the viewer a unique perspective of his experience so that they too might sympathize with him in the midst of his pain and fear. 

Honest and heartbreaking, The Father is an incredible example of what love looks like on the ground in the midst of struggle. Make no mistake. For anyone who has witnessed the onset of dementia first hand, the film is a harrowing journey to take. Even so, the film’s shift in perspective serves as a reminder that the real terror may be within the mind of the person we love and the need for grace in the midst of that understanding from those around them.

The Father will be released in theatres and on demand on Friday, March 26th, 2021.

TIFF20: The Father

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In The Father, Sir Anthony Hopkins plays Anthony, an elderly but wealthy man who cannot admit that he can no longer care for himself. When his daughter Anne (Olivia Colman) informs him that she intends on moving to Paris, she attempts to bring in a home care nurse, Laura (Imogen Poots). As his condition deteriorates, Anthony struggles to adjust to the changes with moods swings that range from charming to insulting and Anne is forced to consider that her father may be better off in a long-term care facility instead of his beloved London flat.

The debut film from director by Florian Zeller, The Father is an emotional journey into the heart of dementia and the how it affects those on the outside. Though the film features an incredible performance by Olivia Coleman as the caring but torn Anne, the film is truly anchored by Sir Anthony Hopkins, who may have turned in one of the best performances of his career. As the centre of almost every scene, Hopkins is simply remarkable as the fading elder, imbuing his character with both vibrancy and terror.

In The Father, Anthony is a man who is constantly loved yet causes chaos within the home. Even so, while we bear witness to the fact that those around him struggle with his health, we also feel torn for Anthony as he continues to misread situations and react accordingly with fear, humour and rage. Honest and heartbreaking, The Father is an incredible example of what love looks like on the ground in the midst of struggle. The film’s shift in perspective serves as a reminder that the real terror may be within the mind of the person we love and the need for grace in the midst of that understanding from those around them.

The Father is currently streaming on the TIFF Bell Digital Theatre during the Toronto International Film Festival.

The Cuban – Jazzy Memories

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“We can’t change the past. All we have left is our future.” The past and future are not so much what Sergio Navarretta’s The Cuban focuses on. Rather it calls us to find life in the present.

Mina (Ana Golja) is a young Afghan-Canadian pre-med student who is working at a nursing home. She is tasked with feeding one of the patients who has Alzheimer’s. Luis Garcia (Louis Gossett Jr.) spends his day staring blankly. Because he reacts violently in frustration, he doesn’t eat with the other residents. Mina notices a poster on his wall of a Cuban jazz musician. She remembers that music from her grandfather’s home when she was a child. She notes that as she hums music that Luis becomes a bit more animated. She begins to bring Cuban jazz records to play for him and each time he becomes more engaged. Soon she’s bringing him Cuban food as well. She’s skirting the rules, but it is paying off. She soon discovers that Luis was a famed Cuban musician.

But when we see Mina’s homelife with her aunt (Shohreh Aghdashloo), we discover that Mina is less interested in being a doctor than her aunt. It is the aunt’s dream that she expects Mina to live out. She is concerned about Mina’s future, but not with Mina’s desires. (Mina is more interested in music.) It is the aunt who voices the quote above. The aunt had been a doctor in Afghanistan, but now is an administrator at the nursing home. As an immigrant, she was not credentialed to practice medicine, but she did the best she could to provide a home and opportunity for Mina. She may feel a bit like a martyr for her sacrifice.

But the contrast is really when we see Mina’s relationship with Luis. Here is a man who has seemingly lost his past, and has no hope of a future. With neither, he is stuck in a present of emptiness. The music and food that Mina brings him begins to draw out his memories—some happy, some not. It is the interplay of Luis’s past and Mina’s possible future that creates a meaningful present.

The film is a little bit cluttered with side stories of Mina entering into a romance, and with battles with the nursing home staff (which are a bit stereotypical). Those subplots take away some needed exploration of Mina’s memories of her family and how that impacts her situation vis-à-vis her aunt.

The film does offer some wonderful bits of Cuban jazz. Some of those involve getting into Luis’s mind as the music awakens him, taking him back in time to New York clubs, and also cruising in Havana. The music adds a sense of joy and life to the film, that focuses so much on people who are stuck in a life that is not their choosing. But throughout the film we find that the music, so based in the past, is what brings meaning into the lives of these characters.

The Cuban is available on Virtual Cinema through local arthouses.

Photos courtesy of Brainstorm Media.

What They Had: Remembering to Forget

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“What do you mean she’s gone?”

In What They Had, Nick (Michael Shannon) opens with the phone call that every adult dreads: that their mother (Blythe Danner), Ruth’s dementia has caused her to wander into the night. As a result, Nick calls his sister, Bridget (Hilary Swank) and asks her to come home in an effort to convince their father Burt (Robert Forster) to begin the process of moving them into a proper senior’s facility. Struggling to hold on to his way of life, Burt is resistant, arguing that he is the best care for his wife in her time of need. As a result, Nick and Bridget must struggle to decide what’s best for their parents in their advanced age.

While it should be no surprise that a film anchored by Michael Shannon, Hilary Swank and Blythe Danner consists of strong performances, What They Had gains its true power from its authenticity. Using Bridget as the film’s emotional balance, the film accurately portrays the heartbreak and struggle that comes with having to care for one’s parents. In fact, one of the best aspects of the film is the manner in which it both affirms and challenges the voice of the elderly within the film. For every moment that Nick points out the truth that their parents’ safety is at risk, there is another which seems to justify Burt’s claim that he is still Ruth’s best caregiver. In doing so, the film manages to both honour the power of Burt and Ruth’s story while, at the same time, affirming Nick’s claim that they are unable to continue as they have.

The core of the film lies its exploration into the power of love, especially within the context of Burt and Ruth’s relationship. As Ruth continues to lose herself to her dementia, Burt’s deep love for his wife translate as her personal salvation. Although she increasingly struggles with the details of her life, his relentless commitment to her translates into the one thing that she remembers most easily. (“That’s my boyfriend,” she says repeatedly, “he’s always hanging around.”) His love for her becomes redemptive, providing her the stability that she so badly needs. (Of course, therein also lies the problem, as he also believes he is the only one capable of caring for her properly.)

More than this though, by juxtaposing Bridget’s emotional journey up against Burt and Ruth’s relationship, the film also demonstrates the power of different worldviews. Struggling through a disappointing marriage and tension with her daughter, Bridget’s view of love has been tainted, leaving her dissatisfied with life. In this way, we recognize her admiration for her parents’ marriage, which is based on ‘commitment’. The story of Burt and Ruth is one of traditional values, steeped in the beliefs of their time. Their love is the one Bridget aspires to have. However, the film is not content to simply hold Burt and Ruth’s marriage as the ‘standard’ either, questioning the relevancy of Burt’s views in today’s culture. It’s a beautiful tension that serves as a reminder that love continues to remain complicated. Although relationships look different between generations, there is much for us to learn from the values of those who have come before.

At its core, What They Had speaks to more than one family’s struggle to decide on their parents’ ability to live on their own. It’s a film about what it means to truly love someone else, through every stage of life. Featuring powerful performances by its cast, it’s a reminder of the conflict between love’s ‘butterflies’ and long-term commitment, even when your partner struggles to remember you.

What They Had is in theatres on October 26th, 2018

What They Had – Family Struggle of Dementia

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Dementia can be a nightmare for families. It’s not just watching a loved one becoming lost as their memory deteriorates. It requires making hard choices that can put family members at odds with each other. What They Had is a look inside a family that is struggling to deal with a wife and mother as she slips deeper and deeper into dementia.

After her mother Ruth (Blythe Danner) wanders away on Christmas Eve, Bridget (Hilary Swank) gets a call from her brother Nick (Michael Shannon) to come home to Chicago to help deal with the problem. Nick, who still lives near his parents has seen Ruth’s ongoing decline. He has been involved in her care. Nick is adamant that the time has come for Ruth to be moved into “memory care”. Her husband Bert (Robert Forster) wants nothing to do with moving her from their home. He will take care of her, he says.

Michael Shannon stars as “Nick”, Taissa Farmiga as “Emma”, Hilary Swank as “Bridget” and Robert Forster as “Bert” in Elizabeth Chomko’s WHAT THEY HAD, a Bleecker Street release. Credit: Bleecker Street

When Bridget arrives, she becomes the referee between father and son. She tries to find middle ground, but it may not be possible. Nick has everything planned, but it is Bridget who holds power of attorney. As the family struggles over how to deal with Ruth, other side issues naturally arise to both illuminate and complicate things: the hostility in Nick and Bert’s difficult relationship, Bridget’s loneliness within her marriage, and Bridget’s lack of understanding her own daughter Emma (Taissa Farmiga).

But this is also a story of a family in which love is real. Even though Bert spends a great deal of time trying to tell his children that there are no bells and whistles in love, he and Ruth clearly had a relationship that was held together by a deep, romantic relationship. And that relationship is central to understanding why Bert is so adamant about keeping Ruth with him. Even in the midst of fighting, the family maintains its bonds between each other. Bridget and Nick have their own sibling resentments, but still we know they want the best for each other and for the family as a whole.

Blythe Danner (left) stars as “Ruth” and Robert Forster (right) stars as “Bert” in Elizabeth Chomko’s WHAT THEY HAD, a Bleecker Street release.

I found this to be the most accurate portrayal of dementia and its attendant issues of any I’ve seen on film. (At least, it very accurately mirrored my experience with my mother sliding into dementia.) Writer/director Elizabeth Chomko based the story on her grandmother’s descent into Alzheimer’s disease. It is at times filled with pathos, and at other times quite humorous, just as is the case with watching someone you love who has dementia.

And while our family did not have as dramatic confrontations as this family, we did have differences of opinion about what would be right at any particular time. It is the family struggle that is the real focus of What They Had, rather than dementia itself. In this too Chomko brings an eye and ear for reality. She also uses the other difficulties in her character’s lives to bring out the emotional and sometimes spiritual struggle the family undergoes. An example is a set of scenes with mother and daughter in bed together, one with Ruth and Bridget and one with Bridget and Emma. Without words, these two shots give us a visual reference to what is going on in Bridget’s life.

Blythe Danner and Hilary Swank star as Ruth and Bridget Keller in WHAT THEY HAD, a Bleecker Street release. Photo courtesy of Bleecker Street

What They Had offers us a chance to see that love and pain often travel together. This family suffers as Ruth loses her memories. But they are also bound by a love that continues through the pain and even the anger it dredges up. This is often the reality not only in dealing with dementia, but also with the many other trials that life brings our way.

 

Finding Your Feet – Never Too Late for a New Beginning

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It’s never too late to find a new outlook on life and love, at least that is what Finding Your Feet tells us. On the surface, this looks like a date night movie for the Leisure World set. But the wisdom the film imparts can be absorbed by people of any age.

Lady Sandra Abbott’s (Imelda Staunton) life looks rosy. Her husband is retiring from the police where he has risen to Commissioner and received a knighthood. They will have the time to enjoy life and travel. But at his retirement party, she discovers he has been having an affair with her best friend for the last five years. She goes to the only person she can think of, her estranged sister Bif (Celia Imrie) who lives a free-spirited life in public housing. The Odd Couple contrast between the up-tight and proper Sandra and her colorful sister makes for some difficult times, but of course, their time together will be healing for them both.

Sandra isn’t very fond of Bif’s friends, but when she begins to go with her to a community dance class for seniors, she begins to lighten up. When she begins to warm to the working-class Charlie (Timothy Spall), the film shifts into romcom mode, which often works well with people of a certain age, as it does here.

As one who is old enough to live in a retirement community, I can appreciate watching people of this age dealing with the struggles of falling in love at this point in life. I also appreciate the age-specific issues that provide the complications: including cancer, dementia, and grief. But although the film reflects issues that affect seniors more than younger people, in the end what it teaches is applicable for everyone.

This is a story of second chances. Not so much about giving people a second chance as much as being willing to take the risk to find a second chance. Sandra’s life, as rosy as it seemed at the beginning, quickly fell apart. Many of the friends she meets in her new world are all dealing with struggles of one sort or another. Yet as they come together to dance from week to week, they find something new in their lives. They get the opportunity to live with joy, even when there is darkness all around them.

Perhaps what makes this age group so appropriate for a film like this is not that seniors are more likely to face having to start over.  Rather, by the time you reach this age, you may look back and understand that life is filled with these new beginnings. Therein lies the wisdom of the film. It teaches us, no matter our age, that change can bring joy yet again.

Photos courtesy of Roadside Attractions