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Don’t Make Me Go – Finding life in death

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“Every man dies, not every man truly lives.”

That truism has several variations and possible sources. Often it is through the nearness of death that we begin to see what life is really about. That is the concept that Hannah Marks explores in Don’t Make Me Go.

JOHN CHO and MIA ISAAC star in DON’T MAKE ME GO Courtesy of: Prime Video © 2022 Amazon Content Services LLC

Max Park (John Cho) is a single father who is beginning to struggle with raising his teenage daughter Wally (Mia Isaac), who is herself struggling with who she wants to be. Max is diagnosed with a tumor that if untreated will be fatal within a year. The treatment has a large chance of killing him sooner. He decides to use his time to spend with Wally, so they take a road trip from California to New Orleans for his college reunion. Wally (who knows nothing of the diagnosis) is less than thrilled, but since Max is going to teach her to drive, she consents.

Max has another goal for the trip. He hopes to connect Wally with her mother, who abandoned them when Wally was a baby. Max doesn’t know where she lives, but hopes that the reunion will be a chance to find her. He also doesn’t know if his ex would have any desire to take on being Wally’s mother—or if Wally wants anything to do with the woman who left her.

MIA ISAAC and JOHN CHO on the set of DON’T MAKE ME GO Photo: TAMAR MÜNCH © AMAZON CONTENT SERVICES LLC

The road trip gives father and daughter a chance to discover things about each other. Max promises to be truthful with Wally, but fails to confide the most important things—such as his impending death. But death really allows the film to think about what it means to live, and how one should live with the knowledge of the reality of death.

Philosophers and theologians have wrestled through the centuries about just these kinds of questions. For this film, the key lesson is to live fully—even if it means taking risks. It is to not let death define our lives, but rather for life to be meaningful each moment.

Wally frequently sees her father as being too conservative in life. Along the way, Max takes Wally to a casino. The lesson he has in mind is that the odds are against you. So he lets her choose his bets at a roulette table. One after another they lose. But there is also a lesson, that the bigger the risk, the bigger the payout.

When they arrive at the reunion and she meets some of Max’s old friends and hears their wild stories, she asks, “When did he get so boring?” They reply, “He grew up.” Adulthood carries responsibilities. For Max, part of that is to find a way to care for Wally when he is gone.

JOHN CHO stars in DON’T MAKE ME GO Photo: GEOFFREY SHORT © AMAZON CONTENT SERVICES LLC

Wally and Max both have lessons to learn about how to live knowing that death is a reality. It is in the ways they teach each other, that their relationship—even though it may be limited by impending death—will give meaning to both of their lives.

Don’t Make Me Go streams on Prime Video.

Photos courtesy of Amazon Studios.

Hope – The Possibility of Light in the Darkness

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“You don’t have to love me just because I’m dying. But I need to know that you’ll help me.”

A diagnosis of terminal cancer inevitably brings upheaval and stress into any family. Hope, Norway’s official Oscar Submission for Best International Feature Film (it made the shortlist, but wasn’t nominated), is an intimate and intense look at the dynamics within a family, and especially between spouses in such a troubling time.

Anja (Andrea Bræin Hovig) and Tomas (Stellan Skarsgård) have been together for many years. They have three children together as well as three from Tomas’s first marriage. They have built very separate lives through the years, but have managed to stay together (although not married). A few days before Christmas, Anja learns that she has a brain tumor, likely a metastasis from her earlier lung cancer. Such tumors are invariably fatal.

The film follows Anja and her family through a very difficult eleven day period. They try to keep the diagnosis secret through the holiday, but with Anja’s reaction to the steroids she’s been put on, it becomes necessary to reveal the truth. She is struggling with thoughts of mortality, but also with concern for her children, especially her teenage daughter. Tomas and Anja also must deal with questions within their relationship and how their lives have evolved over the years. All the while they must deal with holidays with friends and with various medical appointments to determine any steps to be taken if there is to be any hope of survival.

At the very beginning of the film is a note that says. “This is my story as I remember it.” The film is based on director Maria Sødahl’s experience of getting such a diagnosis. (Obviously, she recovered.) That is what makes the film such an intimate portrayal of a very trying time in her life. As Anja struggles through such tumultuous times, trying to deal with holidays, family, drugs side effects, and the frustrations of even a good medical system, we can see something of the reality Sødahl lived.

The setting of the Christmas/New Year holidays is interesting because those are days we associate with hope—whether it involves Christmas presents or the dawning of a new year. But for Anja and Tomas, much of what they are seeing is hopelessness. Doctor after doctor tells them there is no hope—only short-term remedies.

That makes the film’s title stand out. This is a film in which hope, while it seems so elusive, is central to the characters’ lives. Hope, as it plays out in the film, is not just about a possible medical outcome. It applies to the future of Tomas’s and Anja’s children. But the real focus of hope that we see here is on healing the rift in the relationship between Tomas and Anja that has grown through years of distraction and routine. If they have only a little time left together, will it be a time of love or only struggle?

The film leaves all its questions unresolved, and in so doing it challenges us to consider our own level of hope.

Hope is available in theaters and through virtual cinema.

Photos courtesy of KimStim Films.

Running Naked – Days of Vain Life

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“Benjamin Taylor is leaving living today.”

Sometimes it takes the specter of death to bring light into life. Running Naked, from director Victor Buhler, is a feel-good dramedy that helps us see the beauty in life, even if we know that life is finite. Perhaps that finitude helps us see the meaning of it all.

As teenagers, Mark and Ben (Samuel Bottomley and James Senneck) were roommates in a cancer ward as they underwent treatment. The two would push against the confines of their situation. They plotted an escape from the hospital, only to discover there was nothing to do after they succeeded. Their highlight was a one lap race around the hospital floor au naturel.

Sixteen years later, Mark (Mathew McNulty) is an oncologist trying to bring hope and happiness to the teenage patients who are going through their own treatments. Ben (Andrew Gower) has become a reclusive, nervous nerd. Ben is plagued by OCD and a phobia of hospitals. He has a job in a basement that most people in the company don’t even know is there. Yet, through the years Ben and Mark have gotten together every Wednesday night.

When tests show a return of the cancer for one of them, Mark sets out to give Ben the life he has been missing all these years. With only a bit of time, the two reinvent their lives to discover the richness of life all around them, and finding joy and love that give meaning to days whether short or long. It also tests their friendship when they have to come to terms with changes in perspectives.

While not a outwardly religious story, there are places along the journey that allow us to reflect briefly on spiritual issues. For example, when the two men go to a dog track (where they won £50 as kids), Ben, at the last minute, chooses to put their money on a long shot, Hope Eternal. Later, we see the two, both as teens and as adults, sitting in the hospital chapel contemplating the words on the wall, “I will never forget you. I have written your name on the palms of my hands.” (Isaiah 49:16)

Although the Book of Ecclesiastes is never mentioned or quoted, the film is firmly rooted in the wisdom found there. The book’s key theme, stated in Ecc. 1:2, is “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity!” It moves from a view of the world that is meaningless and repetitious (as Ben has been living) but through a search for wisdom, the writer discovered that the meaning of life is to “Enjoy life . . . all the days of your vain life that are given you under the sun, for that is your portion in life.” (9:9)

The film serves as a reminder that we too often get bogged down in the vanities of life when we are meant to be seeking the beauty and joy that surrounds us—even in seemingly dark times.

Running Naked is available on VOD.

Photos courtesy of Trinity Creative Partnership.

Our Friend: From Friend to Family

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Based on the Esquire article of the same name, Our Friend recounts the real-life journey of Matthew Teague (who also serves as an executive producer on the film). After his wife, Nicole (Dakota Johnson) has been diagnosed with cancer, Matthew (played by Casey Affleck) struggles to balance meeting her needs and raising their daughters. Seeking to help, their good friend Dane (Jason Segel) offers to move in for a short stay to help Matthew get back on his feet. However, as time marches forward, the lines between friendship and family begin to blur as his temporary gesture extends into an indefinite living arrangement at great personal cost to Dane.

Beautifully directed by Gabriela Cowperthwaite (Blackfish), the film is often stunning in its broad cinematography yet balanced out by the intimate performances of its cast. Known for her experience in the documentary world, Cowperthwaite manages to translate her ability to tell true stories into her style that gives the film an authentic feel. Rather than scripting the narrative chronologically, Cowperthwaite plays with time, bouncing back and forth to different points of their family’s journey. In doing so, she allows the film to balance painful trauma with genuine humour in a way also mirrors the ups and downs of the tragedy of cancer.

Throughout the piece, stars Affleck, Johnson and Segel have excellent chemistry that reveals the complicated layers of their various family-friend relationships. While all three stars share screen time equally and shine in their own right, it’s Segel’s performance as the lovable yet lost Dane that holds the film together. Known for his comedic roots, Segel demonstrates a dramatic range, giving Dane a deep-seeded loneliness that lies underneath the laughter. 

As one might expect, Our Friend shows the value of relationships, especially during complicated circumstances. Despite his obvious romantic feelings toward Nicole (especially at the outset), Dane relentlessly demonstrates strong character and deep love for both her and her husband. As their lives change, Dane moves from old friend of Nicole to bromance with Matt and, eventually, to family member. While others outside their family do not entirely understand (or even mock) Dane’s involvement within the Teague household, his importance is never lost on Matthew, Nicole or their children. To them, he is more than a friend. He is family.

Furthermore, although Matthew, Dane and Nicole are all held in reverence by the script, none of them are purely angelic or saintly, with each revealing their own secrets and recklessness at various points within the film. While Matthew loves his wife and children, he finds himself torn away by an ever-growing writing career. Although he is loved and accepted by the Teagues, Dane struggles with a deep loneliness and feelings of low self-worth that threatens his mental health. What’s more, in addition to her illness, Nicole is also shown to struggle emotionally as she attempts to manage their home life with her husband frequently away. As a result of its willingness to flesh out its characters, Our Friend highlights the importance of relationships for all of them. While Dane by be the titular Friend, all three characters need each other to hold them up at various points in their lives.

Though, to be fair, it’s also to be too flippant with the term ‘friend’ here. Cowperthwaite’s film doesn’t use the term as casually as we do in our everyday vernacular. (Does anyone actually believe the term ‘Facebook friend’ has any real meaning other than one’s acquaintance anymore?) Instead, Our Friend ensures that the term is used in its most intimate, sacrificial form. Dane is not simply someone who you might grab a beer with after work but rather someone who genuinely gives all that he has out of dedication and love for Matthew and Nicole. To him, friendship is a spiritual experience of offering one’s self wherever needed, no matter the cost. In this way, Our Friend serves as a reminder of what it truly means to commit to one another as friends and the earth-shattering power that that may have on another. 

Traumatic, touching and hilarious at times, the film feels authentic in virtually every way. Featuring stylish direction, strong writing and an incredible cast, Our Friend grapples with the challenges of maintaining close relationships in the midst of real-life trials of illness and work commitments while shining a light on the healing nature of genuine friendship.

To hear our conversation with Matthew Teague, click here.

To hear our conversation with Casey Affleck, click here.

The DVD includes “Behind the Scenes with the Cast & Crew” as the filmmakers and cast including Segel, Johnson, and Affleck discuss why they were drawn to this true story and how they worked together to honestly portray the real people at its center.

Ordinary Love – Weathering a Storm

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The snow is snowing and the wind is blowing
But I can weather the storm!
What do I care how much it may storm?
For I’ve got my love to keep me warm

The mood for Ordinary Love is set at the start as we hear Billie Holliday singing Irving Berlin’s “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm.” We know that this is a story about love, and about storms. But it is not about a stormy relationship, as many relationship films are. It is about what love means in the midst of a storm so severe, it may destroy everything.

Liam Neeson (left) and Lesley Manville (right) star in directors Lisa Barros D’Sa and Glenn Layburn’s ORDINARY LOVE, a Bleecker Street release. Credit : Bleecker Street

Joan and Tom (Lesley Manville and Liam Neeson) are a couple who have been together for decades. They are comfortable around each other. Even their little spats seem to be little jokes between them. Theirs is a happy life. But then Joan finds a lump in her breast. When it turns out to be cancer, the couple finds themselves in a year-long storm. It is not so much that their love will be tested in this time, but more as in that opening song, it will be about whether that love is enough to sustain them.

The film follows the couple through doctor appointments, surgeries, chemotherapy and its aftermath, and months of uncertainty. But the focus isn’t really about all those things. In fact, as awful as some of those things are, the film glosses over some of the pain and suffering involved. The real point is to see the emotional struggles that these two loving people must navigate.

I should point out that I’ve lived this film. Nine years ago was the year that my wife and I refer to as “The Year of Cancer”. As she went through breast cancer treatment, we did many of the same things that Tom and Joan do in this film. Screenwriter Owen McCaffery also lived this story along with his wife. That, no doubt, is why the film seemed so spot on for me. It isn’t a romanization of such a relationship. It is a frank depiction of the ways a relationship is consumed for that period.

It also shows us the ways this emotional journey is different for the two. In an early scene, when Joan is going to be having a mammogram, we see Joan in a room with other women also waiting for her procedure. They are all a bit apprehensive, but can smile at each other in their commonality. At the same time Tom in another waiting room filled with men. Theirs is a much more awkward silence, with a different set of worries and fears.

But my favorite scene in this vein is as Joan is having her lumpectomy, she dreams of being on a train pulling slowly out of a station. Looking out the window she sees a worried looking Tom watching her depart. This is a clear reminder that this is above all Joan’s story and journey. Tom may be along for the ride, but it is a much different experience than he will have.

Liam Neeson (left) and Lesley Manville (right) star in directors Lisa Barros D’Sa and Glenn Layburn’s ORDINARY LOVE, a Bleecker Street release. Credit : Bleecker Street

The different journeys also are displayed when Joan is able to talk to another cancer patient about his treatments. Peter (David Wilmot) has a terminal cancer. He is considering stopping treatment, which only delays the inevitable. But his younger husband Steve (Amit Shah) is distraught at the thought. For Peter and Joan, it is clear that they are the ones who have the final word here. For Steve and Tom, while they may have their own wants and desires, it is important to celebrate the time that they have—and find a way to make that time the best it can be.

I very much like the implication of the title. Because although we may think of this storm in Joan and Tom’s live as very severe, it doesn’t portray the love they share through it all as anything heroic. It is ordinary love. It is the way love is supposed to work. It is supposed to keep us warm no matter how dark clouds and how strong the winds.

Breakthrough S2:E3 (Curing Cancer) – Good From Bad

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It seems like there’s always more bad news than good news when the word cancer is involved.  It’s an equal opportunity disease affecting children, adults, and people of every ethnicity, sex, and religion.  We create fundraisers on Facebook and other social media about it, walk and run to raise money for to cure it, yet still watch it decimate the lives of those we love.  My freshman year of college was no exception, as I returned to my dorm room one Sunday morning after a 10-mile run to see the answering machine light blinking.  My father informed that my grandmother had just passed away from cancer and they were coming to pick me up.  It was a challenging week; that’s for sure.

Facing a disease where the body is attempting to kill itself isn’t easy.  There are numerous methods of treatment at the current time: surgery to remove cancerous portions of the body; chemotherapy to eradicate cancerous cells (and possibly healthy ones as well); and various experimental methods that have no guarantee on extending one’s outlook on life.  Although not perfect, the treatment methods are getting better and better.  In the third episode of Breakthrough (Nat Geo, Tuesdays 10 PM/9 CT), director Lily Amanpour (A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night) introduces the viewer to a new method of treatment showing significant promise.

Amanpour’s style involves interviews and animated paper cutouts to tell a story centering around the cities of Philadelphia, Paris, and London. The focus, however, centers on the University of Pennsylvania and doctors who have figured out a way to take bad cells and remove their nuclear essence, changing them into what are referred to as CAR-T (Chimeric Antigen Receptor-T) cells. These cells go into the body, wipe out the cancer cells, then remain as permanent guards for future invasions.  It’s a highly personalized form of medicine and works quite well. But it’s difficult to produce these types of cells for everyone, so there’s a problem.  This issue is being worked on in Paris, where one company has had some success using a universal version of the CAR-T cells on a newborn.

I enjoyed the episode, but wish Amanpour had talked about multiple types of therapies that are on the horizon. There are various types of cancers, and CAR-T won’t work in every situation. The episode just needed more content (and perhaps another case study) to make it more relatable to the general audience. Regardless, I’m not going to see cancer the same way.

One of the doctors at the University of Pennsylvania described the method of creating the CAR-T cells as reprogramming bad cells for good. That was a fascinating way to explain, in real life, a biblical concept seen in the life of Paul.  In the early chapters of Acts, he wasn’t exactly the nicest person of the planet in the eyes of the new followers of Jesus.  He was commissioned to go after them, and he did that with zeal.  But God got his attention in a powerful way (see Acts 9 for the whole story).  The end result was a changed life and a revised outlook on his purpose on earth.  Paul would do no more persecuting; instead, he helped people come to Jesus and experience a personal relationship with him.   He also wrote a lot of letters found in the Bible to boot.

There are still more trials to complete, but the future is looking bright for CAR-T therapy.  Maybe it will be the breakthrough scientists need to eliminate the fear of cancer once and for all.

The Hollars – The Comedy of Crises

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“You won’t know until you get there that you’re okay.”

Can a comically dysfunctional family deal with a looming crisis? That is the setup for The Hollars, but there’s more here than bumbling through the situation. It also provides a bit of insight into what it means to be family even in the most difficult times.

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John Hollar (John Krasinski) is a struggling artist trying to make it in New York City. He’s soon to become a parent along with his girlfriend Rebecca (Anna Kendrick). When John gets a call about his mother’s (Margo Martindale) serious health issue, he must go back to the small Ohio town he’s from and deal with his father (Richard Jenkins) and brother (Sharlto Copley) who are all pretty tied up in their own issues. All of the foibles are exaggerated for comic purposes, sometimes to the detriment of the story.

This film brings together end of life issues and the beginning of life issues. There are always fears around both. Some of those fears are about ourselves (what will become of us) and some are focused on others (who will take care of loved ones). These fears are treated with humor, but also with a good dose of pathos. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when John volunteers to shave his mother’s head before surgery. For the nurse to have done it would have just been too cold and clinical. But as John does it, we sense an intimacy and love that could help his mother through something that is very difficult.

When birth and death are so near in a film, we should expect that we are being asked to reflect not just on mortality, but on the meaning of all that lies between those two bookends of life. John is standing in both worlds—one that is full of possibility, excitement, and joy, and one that brings grief and sorrow. We mark our lives with such events, but life is really not about either as much as it is about all that fills in between. That is what John is beginning to learn as he worries about his mother’s health and also worries about what it will mean to be a father, responsible for another’s well bring. Life is what we find between birth and death—not just ours, but the many points of transition that fill our years.

Photos courtesy of Sony Picture Classics

Honeyglue: A Three Month Love Story

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When the beautiful, young, middle-class Morgan (Adriana Mather) meets Jordan (Zach Villa) at a club, she really isn’t sure about him. He is a gender-bending, art school dropout who won’t accept a label. He expresses his freedom through a kind of Bohemian lifestyle, but even that isn’t quite what it seems. They hit it off, but Morgan fails to tell him (at least for a while) that she has a brain tumor and only a few months to live. Honeyglue is their love story with a very YA vibe about it. (Although it is rated R for language, some sexuality, and drug content.)

AdrianaMather_ZachVilla_Honeyglue

As their relationship develops and Morgan deals with facing her mortality, they set out to live these last months of her life with abandon. Morgan records their life together with a video camera. For Morgan, this is a time to do things she has never dreamed of before (like holding up a store). For Jordan, this is a time to be connected to someone in a new and loving way. The film does not want to focus on dying, but on living.

The YA feel of the film comes from the themes that seem to crop up in adolescent stories, such as mortality (it is a time when young people first truly experience the reality of death), freedom and rules, and family and self. All of those themes play out in Morgan and Jordan’s time together, but not always as we think they will.

ZachVilla_Honeyglue

For example, Jordan, for all his anarchistic veneer really longs for something a bit more conventional. Throughout the story, he is working on a children’s story about a dragonfly (representing Morgan) and a princess bee (representing himself) and how they long to overcome the differences of their lives to be together.

Of course, the key theme is how to live in the face of mortality. With such a short time ahead of her, Morgan sets out to maximize the happiness she can find. Even though she is willing to go off to Houston for treatment that will not really help (for the sake of her family more than her own sake), in time she decides to return to Jordan to live her last days in their mutual love and search for the joy of life. The film’s moral can be summed up in the song they use as the climax draws near, the Grass Roots’ “Live for Today.” And truth be told, the message of that song is not far off from the message that we may find in Ecclesiastes.

Photos courtesy Zotbot Pictures

TIFF Hits: FREEHELD

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julianne-moore-ellen-page-freeheld-posters-trailer

Set in 2003, Freeheld tells the true story of New Jersey Det. Laurel Hester (Julianne Moore) who, after she is diagnosed with cancer, applies to leave her police benefits to her domestic partner, Stacie Andrews (Ellen Page). However, when her request is denied by the local officials, she suddenly finds herself as a spokesperson for gay marriage in a community built on ‘tradition’.

Although we have witnessed Julianne Moore’s incredible ability to bring honesty and reality to virtually any role she plays (including this one), the most surprising revelation is Ellen Page. Here, Page’s performance brings both a strength and frailty to Stacie that would be difficult to balance. Their relationship in the film is easily the strongest and most convincing part of the film and, as a result, there is little doubt that both will be in the midst of the Oscar conversation come next Winter. (Supporting characters such as Michael Shannon’s Officer Dane Wells and Steve Carell’s gay activist, Steven Goldstein, also turn in solid performances as the couple’s friends.)

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Backed by the weight of its performances, Freeheld is a stirring film with much to say, putting the question of justice at the very centre of the film. Although Goldstein pushes Laurel to become a spokesperson for gay marriage, her interest lies solely in ‘equality’. In other words, while others are concerned about larger issues on a grander scale, Laurel’s heart always remains grounded on the support and well-being of her domestic partner after she has passed. It is here that Moore’s performance truly keeps the film grounded as opposed to losing its focus on her relationship with Page.

However, if Freeheld does have a flaw, it lies in the script.  While very well-written, the film just misses delving into the more complex matters of the issue, especially spiritually. (For example, a priest stepping forward and simply stating that Jesus didn’t say anything on the issue does not really end the conversation as quickly as they’d like to think.) In some ways, by emphasizing the term ‘tradition’, the film over simplifies the conversation in favour of the quest for justice. While I don’t have a problem with this–the film really is centred on the legal battle and Laurel’s quest to support her partner as opposed to the complexities of the issue–it might have made the conversation that much more interesting had they grappled with the topic a little more thoroughly.

In the end, Freeheld accomplishes what it sets out to do and starts a conversation that needs to take place. Placed firmly on the backs of the performances of its lead women, the film engages a controversial issue with passion and grace in its quest for truth.

As Christians, my prayer is that we can do the same.

 

Freeheld

Rated R (for… mature theme?)

Starring Julianne Moore, Ellen Page, Michael Shannon

d. Peter Sollett

**** (out of five)